


Cold to Touch

by ChickenXD



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Loneliness, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Separation Anxiety, joseph is here in spirit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-05 06:14:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12184503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: Robert is a nervous fuck trying to work up the courage to call Saul.Saul's trying to figure things out for himself. Robert's just given up.





	1. Chapter 1

Can’t seem to stop thinking. 

Robert sighs as he places his cigarette butt on the ashtray. He hasn’t smoked in god knows how long, but then he saw Saul do it, and as he walked into the store today decided to pick up a box. 

It’s tastes just as awful as he remembered it and makes him a little nauseous. That’s why he switched to alcohol in the first place. 

 

Can’t seem to stop thinking about Saul. 

Robert doesn’t know why, either. It doesn’t make sense. 

Maybe because it’s the first time someone has shown him… attention and care. Fuck, Robert can’t even tell if it’s sincere, or if there are any ulterior motives behind it. 

He would… like to think that Saul is different. Maybe he really does care and isn’t just trying to manipulate him. Saul’s a good guy – he’s not like Joseph…

...right?

 

Maybe if he drinks, he’d get drunk enough so he doesn’t think about this anymore.

He’s never thought or felt this way about anyone in a long time. He just… wants to be friends with Saul. Pretty desperately. 

Why? Is he so starved for affection he would literally die for the first person to show him some?

Maybe Saul does have something in mind. Maybe he’s a master manipulator too, and befriending Robert is just all part of his elaborate plan for… something.

Saul sure as hell doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would do that, but he thought Joseph doesn’t seem like that kind of guy either, and look at where he wound up because he let his guard down. 

It’s not going to happen again.

 

Watching Saul smoke a cigarette stirred something in him.

It feels like all this time he’s looked at Saul, thought about how he’s… so perfect, too perfect, even. 

It makes Saul even more attractive than he already is. Reminds Robert that he, too, is just another human. That maybe Robert shouldn’t have this… warped view of him, as if he’s going to save Robert somehow.

...maybe that’s why. He’s always just wanted to feel like… he can be saved, that he’s not forsaken, left alone.

It’s silly to think that of Saul, thought. Why would he even care?

 

But he’s just a fuck-up anyway, who’s lost his entire family and now has nothing to do with himself.

He’s so used to taking, and having things taken away from him – not so used to being given something. That’s why he grows suspicious of people. 

 

But being with Saul makes him feel… safe, comfortable.

Even if it’s all just an illusion. 

Maybe he is putting Saul too high on a pedestal, expecting him to… do things he wouldn’t or couldn’t do.

But hey, a man can dream.

 

Fuck, he misses Saul already. 

He’s got his number, but he doesn’t quite feel like reaching to his phone and calling him. 

Maybe Saul will say no to his invitation to hang out. Maybe he’s still busy at work or with his son. What makes Robert more important than them – what makes him worthy of Saul’s attention anyway?

Doesn’t want to hear rejection. 

If Saul tells him ‘no’, then that’s it for their relationship, maybe.

He takes another cigarette and lights it. 

He doesn’t put it in his mouth – just gently places it on the ashtray and let the smoke fill up the room, watching the paper and tobacco slowly burn.

He doesn’t know what else to do. 

 

No, Saul can’t be that mean. He wouldn’t just refuse to Robert and then refuse to see him ever again.

Maybe it’s fine to call him, ask him to meet at the bar tonight.

Tell Saul he misses him. 

Misses his gentle voice, misses his firm, protective hugs, misses the way he looks at Robert and smiles warmly.

... that’s embarrassing. Maybe he shouldn’t do that. 

 

Robert wonders what Saul is up to, right now. 

It’s 1 PM on a Thursday. He’s probably still at work – he wouldn’t want a random phone call asking him whether he wants to meet at a bar, right?

 

Maybe if he stops being so damn scared. 

Pick up the phone, look him up on Dadbook, text him. It shouldn’t be difficult right, just a simple text – ‘wanna go to the bar tonight?’ Heck he doesn’t even need to talk.

What if he replies ‘no’, though? 

...best to not do anything, maybe.

 

He’s probably just another liar. Someone who’ll stab him in the back when he’s not watching, just like Joseph did. 

Best to not get betrayed again. 

Best to avoid him altogether.

He’s just another liar. Someone who will take advantage of you.

...maybe, given enough time, Robert can convince himself to forget.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

He loves Robert.

Of course, nobody can ever replace Bella. She was his first love and nobody else can take her place. 

Except Barry, maybe, but even he is different. He’s about all that’s left of her now. 

 

Saul doesn’t like to think about the past. It’s pointless, it wastes time, it gives him nothing more than emotions that ends up weighing him down. 

He can’t help it, though – can’t help holding onto the past. 

Was he happier then?

He was definitely a different man. 

Things were different then. 

Barry was younger and oblivious. Saul spent less time looking over case documents in the station. 

To think that she was just suddenly, forcefully taken away from him. 

Feels like someone ripped his heart, left a big wound open and let it rot slowly. 

 

He just wants to know who did it. Who took his precious Bella from him. 

He can’t help but feel pathetic sometimes. A police officer who can’t even find out what killed his wife? 

Disappointed. Why can’t the law do anything? Isn’t this what he fought for, so that every criminal can get what they deserve? Isn’t justice blind, and ruthless?

So why is it that whoever killed his wife seemed to be above the law? Why can’t he do anything?

 

Barry, too, must have sensed the change in him. 

He feels bad sometimes. Maybe if it wasn’t for him Barry wouldn’t be the way he is now. Maybe if Bella is still here he’d have more time to be a child, and can spend less time trying to cheer up his good for nothing old man. 

 

Maybe it’s because he sees himself in Robert.

...is that a good thing or a bad thing? He doesn’t quite know.

But everyone can see that Robert is slowly… dying away. He drinks, he does whatever he wants, completely disregarding his own well-being, killing time...

Nobody can see Saul slowly dying inside.

He’s gotten so good at pretending everything is fine, he almost fools himself sometimes.

 

No better, no worse, 

No change, no pain.

Stuck in one place. Time keeps ticking on,

at some point everything blurs away and loses meaning.

  
  
  


“Robert!”

Robert stops walking and turns to the voice that’s calling him. He grins as he sees Saul roll down his car window.

“Hey, big boy.”

“You need a ride?”

“Hmm…” Robert shakes his head, “I’m fine.”

And he turns around and continues walking. Saul can’t help but notice that he’s walking… sloppily, not quite in a straight line. He must be drunk again.

Saul sighs as he gets out of the car and walks up to Robert. Robert turns around, clearly aware that Saul’s trying to catch him, so he stops walking.

“I’ll drive you home. Come on.”

 

Robert gets in the passenger seat quietly. 

Saul closes the door for him before he gets back to the driver seat, and drives away. 

Robert’s still silent. He’s probably tired from… whatever he was doing. 

 

They get to a traffic light, so he turns to look at Robert. He seems to be awake, and he’s just gazing out of the window. 

“Is everything okay, Robert?”

“...yeah.”

At this point Saul’s learnt that means no. But Robert would never admit it.

He decides to leave Robert be. Sometimes he just wants to be left alone is all.

 

He doesn’t really know what to call his feelings. He just feels like he wants to… needs to protect Robert. Make sure he’s okay. Try to make him happier. 

Nowadays people call it “love”, but… but he’s never felt like this about Bella. 

He never felt like he needed to keep an eye on her all the time. It didn’t feel strange when she talked to other people or did things she usually wouldn’t do.

 

“You know, I… wanted to see you.”

“You did?”

Robert nods slowly.

“I was too much of a fucking loser to call you.”

Saul turns to look at Robert, who’s still looking outside, avoiding eye contact. 

“That’s fine,” Saul replied, “You wanna go somewhere together?”

Robert doesn’t reply. 

Saul continues driving, although suddenly he’s not so sure on where they should go. He’d planned to take Robert back to his own house, but now that Robert’s told him that…

“Do you want to go home?”

Robert shakes his head.

 

“Pull over.”

“Why?”

Robert sighs, “Just do it.”

Saul drives towards the side of the street and stops. He looks around to make sure there aren’t any signs that say “no parking” or anything – either way, this shouldn’t take too long, right?

They’re in the middle of some street off the highway, on the way to Robert’s house. There doesn’t seem to be anybody around, but there is a gas station nearby. He suddenly gets an urge to check his gas levels – he’s still got about half a tank. 

Robert’s still silent, but now he’s looking at Saul. 

He’s sitting with his back against the light coming from the gas station – his face is dark in contrast, Saul can only see the glint of his eyes. 

“What’s wrong, Robert?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay,” Saul said, “Then why are we stopping?”

“I wanna look at you.”

Saul nods slowly. Robert has his weird antics, and he’s also pretty drunk right now. 

Robert gently presses his forehead against Saul’s, and takes a deep breath. It’s silent except for Robert’s soft, steady breathing.

 

Robert feels so close, and yet so distant.

Saul can’t ever tell what he’s thinking. 

Wants to know him more, but Robert always distances himself, put a wall between them.

Why?

 

Robert suddenly pulls away and opens the door.

“Where are you going?”

“Don’t know,” is all he said as he stepped out, and closed the door behind him. 

“Robert–”

But Robert’s began walking down the street, away from the car. He’s not even walking towards the gas station – he just walks towards an intersection, and presses the button for the traffic light.

Saul quickly drives towards Robert, and rolls down the window.

“Get back in, Robert,” he said, “Your house is in the other direction. I’ll drive you.”

“Leave me be,” he said, “I’ll be fine.”

“Where are you going?”

“It’s none of your fucking business,” Robert suddenly hisses at him, “Go home.”

“Robert, I…”

Robert sighs and turns to look away, refusing to look at Saul. 

 

The pedestrian light turns green, and Robert walks across the street. 

 

Saul watches Robert's shadow get further and further away, disappearing into the night.


End file.
